THINGS THAT GO "BUMP" WHEN YOU WRITE
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Things that go bump when you write aren’t scary – they’re boring. They are words and phrases that weaken your manuscript, distract the reader, and suggest lazy writing.

At least ninety percent of writing is re-writing – finding and getting rid of things that don’t work in a manuscript. One quality that separates a serious writer from an amateur is the serious writer’s willingness to revise and edit a manuscript after finishing the first draft. Consider this interview with Ernest Hemingway in the Paris Review:

Paris Review: How much rewriting do you do?

Hemingway: It depends. I rewrote the ending to A Farewell To Arms, the last page of it, thirty-nine times before I was satisfied.

Paris Review: Was there some technical problem there? What was it that stumped you?

Hemingway: Getting the words right.

Although the art of writing cannot be taught, the craft of writing can. Revision is central to the craft of writing, and can be every bit as creative and enjoyable as writing the first draft. The purpose of revision is to make your ideas and words as clear, accurate, and attractive as possible.

Seventy-five percent of all revision is eliminating words already written; the remaining twenty-five percent is improving the words that remain. The following tips should help you eliminate the most common bumps:

Notice how the exclamation point is located in the upper left hand corner of your keyboard, where your fingers rarely go? That should remind you to use exclamations with restraint. As a device for emphasis, the exclamation point is the first tool everyone learns. However, overused exclamation marks can deaden the reader’s sensitivity the way strong spices overwhelm the palate. Don’t be lazy! Using the correct words will express excitement without adding that little dot with a period at the end of a sentence.

In his book, The 10% Solution, (Fairwood Press) author Ken Rand identified lazy words. Place this list by your computer: of, that, was, were, by, very, about, ing, And, But, like, ion, ly. Let the search-find function of your computer locate these words, then study each sentence and ask yourself how it can be improved.

The word of often marks a prepositional phrase that weakens a sentence. For example, "the company president" reads much better than "the president of the company," and "the girl’s mother," sounds smoother than "the mother of the girl." Remove of whenever possible.

Overusing the word that is a problem that many writers face. Better: Many Writers overuse the word "that." Most of the time you can eliminate this four letter word and it’ll never be missed.

The words was and were slow the action and weaken your writing, because they’re passive instead of active. Consider "mistakes were made"— a wimpy phrase that needs an action verb.

Let’s look at another sentence: "The boys were sad." Even "the boys looked sad" is an improvement, but we’ve missed an opportunity to describe specific signs of sadness, such as tears and red-rimmed eyes.

Let’s take a sentence from an action scene:

The tree was struck by lightning and burst into flames.

This describes what happened, but the passive voice distances the reader from the event. The first change is to invert things:

Lightning struck the tree and it burst into flames.

The above sentence looks better, but it needs more description. A lightning strike produces noise, movement, things flying, and the smell of smoke. Eliminating passive verbs gives you the opportunity to add description and action to your scenes.

The word very weakens any word it modifies. Eliminate it from your vocabulary. If a verb can’t stand alone without "very" for support, you need a stronger verb. Instead of "It was very cold that morning," try describing the character as he bundles a coat around him, sees his breath in the air, and wishes for warmer gloves. The words every, by, and about weaken your writing in similar ways.

Words ending in ing are possible slowness indicators. No doubt you’ll find many ing words in your writing; eliminating only a small percentage of them will make phrases more accurate and clear. (Eliminate only a small percentage of them to make phrases more accurate and clear.)

If you must begin sentences with the words And and But, don’t overdo it. And remember, it’s annoying after the second or third time.

The word like often indicates a simile, as in "he flapped his arms like a chicken." Be alert for a cliché or inaccurate simile when you see the word like.

Long words tend to sound stilted and forbidding, especially in an informal piece. Track down words such as "realization" by searching for the phrase ion on the end. Finding ion words with the search-find mode allows you to decide if you chose the right word. "He came to the realization that . . ." sounds stuffy and distant. Instead, substitute the phrase, "He realized." Sanitation may be cut to "clean," habitation to "house," and "degeneration" to "falling apart."

A search for the phrase ly locates adverbs, which should be used with caution. Avoid using an adverb to support a weak verb, as in: He ran quickly." A number of verbs describe "running quickly" and provide strong action, such as: dash, sprint, plunge, race, and scamper.

You can improve your writing simply by going through the manuscript and reducing the number of adverbs and adjectives. In places where you’ve used more than one of these modifiers to describe a noun or verb, choose the most accurate word and eliminate the others. Look for commonplace and cliché adjectives and adverbs, such as "cold day," "carefully," and "quickly." In many cases, it’s best to strengthen the nouns and verbs and allow them to stand alone.

Once you’ve identified the bumps in your writing, you’ll be able to create a manuscript that’s crisp and concise. Whether you’re constructing a novel, a formal report, or a love letter – don’t be afraid to revise your work.

About the Author: Sammie Justesen is a full-time literary agent, medical writer and editor, having worked with the publishers Mosby Inc., Addison Wesley Longman, Prentice Hall, and Springhouse Corporation. She writes professionally for print media and the Internet. Sammie has published business, technical, nonfiction, poetry, and short stories. Sammie is also a registered nurse with 25 years' experience in the health care industry.

She lives on Rooster Ranch in northern Idaho with her husband Dee, who is a home and small business consultant, e-commerce specialist, and webmaster.